"Foreplay is always the part we’re supposed to rush through to get to the “real thing,” right? I mean, how many times have you watched a sex scene go straight from a quick kiss to a cutaway of curtains billowing in the breeze? The answer is far too many, and it’s a shame, really, because foreplay, as far as I’m concerned, is the “real thing.” The teasing, the anticipation, the way your partner looks at you from across the room—all of those things have the power to turn just OK sex into life-altering sex.
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Whether you’ve been with your partner for years or you’re seeing someone new, the key to great sex might not be something new you try in bed—it might be how you warm each other up before you even get there. With that said, foreplay can easily become routine, so it’s important to switch things up to keep your sex life from getting stale. If you’re looking for new ways to turn up the heat, we’re sharing 12 foreplay ideas that are sure to take your sex life to the next level.
1. Share a memory that turned you on
Bring them back to a moment you haven’t forgotten. It might be something they did, something they wore, or something they said that’s stuck with you ever since. Tell the story in detail, explaining where you were, what you were feeling, and what they did to you. This kind of conversation acts as an invitation for your partner to see themselves through your desire. Sometimes, that kind of storytelling opens up new layers of closeness and confidence you didn’t realize you were missing and allows them the runway to recreate the moment.
2. Read or listen to erotica together
You don’t need to memorize erotica to set the mood, but reading a passage from your partner’s favorite romance novel, sharing a spicy poem, or listening to audio erotica together can add a whole new layer of anticipation. Let the words guide you: repeat lines that turn you on, follow along with the audio prompts, or let your fantasies do the rest. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner exactly what parts of what you’re hearing or reading that you want to do to them. Go into detail, trust me.
3. Send a flirty text
Sending a text is an easy way to get your foreplay session started before you’re even together. If you live together, a little surprise message during your lunch break can go a long way. You can keep it light, suggesting that you’ve been thinking about them all day and can’t wait to get into bed later. Or, shoot over a detailed message of exactly how you want to make them feel or all the ways you need them. If you don’t live together, sending a text a few hours before your date can build anticipation. Communication is key when it comes to building tension, so why wait until you’re in person to do so?
4. Play with temperature
Sometimes, the smallest shift can spark the biggest reaction. Try slowly gliding an ice cube along your partner’s collarbone, inner wrist, or spine. Extreme heat and extreme cold both heighten sensitivity, making each touch feel even more exciting. For something more immersive (and to play with temperature contrast), hop in a steamy shower together, but don’t touch. Allow yourselves to feel the proximity and heat of the water, but don’t give in to the desire to touch until the last possible moment. Alternate between the hot water and the ice cube for a tantalizing mix of sensations that will keep you both wanting more!
“The teasing, the anticipation, the way your partner looks at you from across the room—all of those things have the power to turn just OK sex into life-altering sex.”
5. Whisper something you want to try
The boldest moves can be quiet. Get close, keep it soft, and say what you’re craving. Whether it’s a specific position or a new vibe altogether, be honest and open about your desires. Try this when you’re out at dinner, in a crowded bar with friends, or at home making dinner. Time and place are everything, so choose when and where you want to get those gears turning… but don’t blame us if your plans get cut shorter than expected.
6. Create “Yes, No, Maybe” lists
Open your Notes app (or go old-school with a journal and your fave pen), then make three columns labeled yes, no, and maybe. Fill them out separately with things you’d be curious to try during sex or foreplay. These can be specific actions, such as trying out blindfolds or toys, or general vibes, such as more praise, more dominance, or slow and romantic. Once you’re both finished, come together and compare your lists. You’ll likely be surprised; what feels like a “maybe” to you might be a big “yes” for your partner, and vice versa. This exercise not only helps clarify desires and boundaries but also opens the door for exploration.
7. Watch them undress
Yes, it sounds simple, but that’s what makes it hot. The sheer act of watching someone you’re attracted to undress for you is nothing short of sexy. Take your time with it, and really let yourselves be seen. The goal isn’t to perform; it’s to enjoy the moment without kicking into autopilot or rushing through the vulnerability. Sport your favorite new lingerie or put on your favorite song and let your—and your partner’s—imaginations run wild.
8. Slow dance
Hear me out: emotional intimacy is foreplay, and slow dancing is a great way to access it. Choose something that feels good—maybe a song you both love, one that makes you laugh, or one that brings back a memory you haven’t revisited in a while. Wrap your arms around each other and allow yourselves to move without overthinking it. You might start off laughing or feeling a little awkward, but that’s honestly part of the fun. As the moment unfolds, it can naturally shift into something slower and more connected. The emotional closeness you create in moments like this can be just as powerful as anything physical.
“The key to great sex might not be something new you try in bed—it might be how you warm each other up before you even get there.”
9. Try a “hands-only” rule
No kissing, no oral, and no toys? Trust me. Focus on slow, deliberate, and intentional touch using your fingertips and palms, and apply gentle, skin-level pressure. This kind of limited play invites you to slow down and actually feel instead of moving straight to the next thing. Whether it becomes playful or tender, soft or teasing, it turns the entire experience into a full-body conversation. Plus, the anticipation that builds will make you crave each other’s touch more than ever before.
10. Make a sex playlist
Music can shift sexual energy in seconds—it sets the mood, sparks connection, and brings you into the moment. Start by choosing songs that make you feel sexy, nostalgic, or bold. Maybe there is a song that you remember from one of your hottest hookups—add that one, too! Soon, you’ll see that this is its own kind of intimacy. Once the playlist is made, pressing play becomes foreplay—whether you’re together or apart. It offers a way to reconnect and get you thinking about each other. Plus, good music can only make your steamiest moments better.
11. Touch with your breath
Stand close, but don’t speak. Let your breath meet your partner’s skin on the back of their neck, their collarbone, or their wrist. Breathing near someone without touching them builds anticipation in a surprisingly intense way. You’re tuning into sensation without jumping ahead, and your partner is wondering when you’re going to kiss them already! This is nervous system intimacy at its finest, keeping it quiet, slow, and deeply present.
12. Compliment something unexpected
The most memorable compliments are often the ones that feel deeply personal. Skip the obvious and go for something that tells them you’ve been paying attention—whether it’s sweet or sexy. Desire isn’t always about physical touch; it’s about being seen and known. Notice the little things: how they concentrate when they’re cooking or the way they reach for you when they’re half-asleep, and tell them. The intimacy of being known can spark an entire energy shift and make your sex life all the better.
Sydney Cox, Contributing Sex & Relationships Writer
Sydney Cox is a Chicago-based writer and intimacy coordinator who is passionate about exploring the complexities of human connections and teaching readers to advocate for themselves. Sydney’s work has been featured in various publications, where they aim to foster open and honest conversations.